Ladies and gentleman, your Dumb Criminal of the Week awards goes to Kenyon A. Lambert, who allegedly broke into Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, last week. Lambert, 40, is charged with a felony count of criminal damage property and misdemeanor disorderly conduct.
According to the recent criminal complaint, as reported on by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Lambert entered the stadium back on June 2 after finding an unlocked door and then proceeded to wander to the playing field where groundskeepers were present. At that point, Lambert decided to jump in a tractor because he had never ridden one before – and he wanted to carve his name in the field. But the hope wasn’t just to write his name on the field, Lambert actually wanted to do it in cursive.
However, Lambert’s commandeered tractor didn’t move fast enough to do so, the complaint continued, but he still drove it across the field while raising and lowering the front bucket. The end result wasn’t his name in cursive but dug up holes scattered throughout the field as well as significant damage to the pitcher’s mound, all of which reportedly will cost about $40,000 in damages.
Here’s Lambert’s mindset, per the Journal Sentinel:
“Lambert told police he saw workers recording him with their phones, “so he decided to show off,” the complaint said. He also shouted various things at grounds crew workers so they would stay away from him, he told police.”
That’s right, instead of living out a childhood fantasy of throwing the ball around on the field or riding down Bernie’s massive yellow slide, he messed up the turf.
Miller Park opened in 2001 and saw close to three million people last season. The park, like so many in Major League Baseball, continues to lay dormant thanks to COVID-19 as the league’s owners and players squabble over money, all while other sports plan to resume and the potential for a 2020 season slowly disappears. Although no events have recently been held at the park, groundskeepers maintain the field and keep it ready for action in the event that baseball makes its return, since the Brewers would likely workout there, close to home, rather than the team’s Spring Training facility in Phoenix.
At this time, law enforcement and the Brewers believe Lambert’s actions did not stem from the recent social unrest caused by police brutality protests throughout the country.